Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Weigh Day Wednesday

Ahhh my favorite day of the week...well not so much. I guess you could say my most anticipated day of the week. Today was another AMAZINGLY FABULOUS weigh in. I knocked 2 more pounds off biotches lovies! I am pretty shocked about it usually I have one week where I lose 2 or more and then the next week I will lose 1 lb or less so I was expecting a low loss today. I also beat my goal of my first 60 days of weight loss which was 15 pounds. I have now lost 15.4 and still have a few more days until the final weigh in. Yee-haw!

Another breakthrough happened this week as well. After 2 weeks of repeating W5 Days 1 and 2 of C25K I finally broke down and did W5D3 (the 2 mile run) and I finished it without walking. I was pretty jazzed about it yesterday (actually still am). I know some of you may be like "oh big deal 2 miles that is NOTHING" well its a lot to me especially for someone who doesn't enjoy it too much. 

Here is a no makeup after run're welcome :)

One more little housekeeping item. If your not already following my blog I would sure appreciate it if you did! Just click the "Join this Site" button above the other followers to the right of this. I will be doing a give away once I reach 100. Help a sista out! 

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

DREAM Closet

So Miss Holly inspired me for this post today...except she posted about ugly clothes. I totally agree with her in that there are LOTS of ugly clothes and a lot of the trendy clothes are super ugly to me as well. 

BUT, I am going to show you what I want to will be wearing SOON (aka when I lose enough weight).

All of these outfits are from my Pinterest board "clothes."

So true...but not for long hookers! 
These are some of the outfits I want to wear:

 First of all LUH-UV this outfit. Perfect for October. (ps Holly this is what I was describing to you in the comment I left on your post)

 Wish I could have worn a dress like this, this summer. Perfect for weddings NEXT summer though!

 oh my lace. I love the cardigan it is sexy and classy all at the same time. Ok maybe a little whore-ish but I like it. Plus I'm obsessed with boots and the boot sockie thingies. 

Ok this outfit is adorable. I love the preppy-ness of it.

Alright love muffins, (hold me to this) but once October is over (and you will know why I say October SOON) I will recreate one of these outfits and have a photo shoot take a picture because I WILL look damn good in one of these by then. 

Alright I'm heading out gotta get my shut eye because tomorrow AM is WEIGH DAY! 

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Baby Weight Part 2

First off if you haven't read the first baby weight post you may want to read it here.

Anyway, the past few days have been really good. I feel much more "free" after posting my progress pictures it almost made me puke at first but I made it through and damn is it good motivation!

The hubs and I were driving to find a place for lunch the other day and while we were trying to figure out somewhere that would have healthier choices for me he said he was really proud of me. I brought up the fact that I was nervous to get pregnant again because of the weight gain but then insisted that I would never gain that much weight again (50-60 lbs!) Of course his usual smart ass self (I love it) said " really pulled a JESSICA SIMPSON last time!" It seriously cracked me up and made me think. So folks I am DEFINITELY not pulling a Jessica Simpson again!

My first baby weight post explained my pregnancy weight gain. But why has it taken my so long to do something about it? My son is almost 2 and I only started 8 weeks ago. BUT what I haven't explained is that YES I have tried SO many things since I had my son. I just don't think I was in the right frame of mind to do anything about it.

The week after having my son I stepped on the scale. I was SO nervous. You may not believe this but I had lost 27 lbs in one week. Of course that includes a 9 lb 8 oz baby and everything else that comes out with him (gross). But I was SHOCKED. I also thought sweet this won't be so bad. All I gotta do is breast feed and I'm golden.  Yep...well as you can see that didn't work out.

My mom and mother in law were with me for the two weeks after having Hunter and were HUGE helps. Things were going great. After they left though I felt so alone. I was home. All. day. long. Don't get me wrong I had a beautiful baby but I didn't exactly have the mom thing down. He was really fussy for me because I was STRESSED out. When my husband would get home I would be in tears sometimes because I felt like I wasn't meant to be a mom. I was exhausted. I was jealous that Ian (the hubs) could take him and swaddle him right up, feed him and cuddle him and put him to sleep MUCH better than I could. He was such a naturally amazing father why wasn't I like that? He gave Hunter a bath every night for the first month. I was too scared too.

When Hunter was almost a month old I knew something was wrong. I was so excited to be a Mom. But now here I was crying half the time and stressing ALL the time. I called my doctor. He suggested I see a counselor for Post Par tum Depression and prescribed me some medication. I went to three sessions with the counselor and didn't like her. But I had been on the medicine a few weeks by then and was doing much better. I had started giving Hunter baths and was much more calm. I was able to put him to bed just as well as his Daddy and it felt so good. I still felt bored and alone sometimes but I had my sweet baby boy to cuddle with all day. He was hardly fussy because I wasn't stressed all the time. Now I'm not saying medication will help with everything. You have to actually have a chemical imbalance for it to work. I definitely did. I failed to tell my doctor that I had been on anti depressants before I got pregnant. Apparently, that gives you WAY more of a chance of having Post Par tum depression. If he would have known that he would have put me on a low dose right after having the baby.

While all of this was going on I was doing light work outs and hardly eating. My body held onto all the rest of the  baby weight I had gained. When my son was 4 months old I went to a "weight loss medical spa" and was put on Phentermine (a prescription diet pill) and lost about 20 pounds. That was the dumbest thing I ever did. This pill made you not hungry. I rarely ate and worked out a lot. So yeah I lost weight, but once I went off the meds (the doctor would only let you be on them for 3 months) I was screwed. I gained it all back. It was unhealthy and not the right way to lose weight.

After that I tried numerous "get fit quick" schemes. I'm not even going to go through them. None of them worked. I couldn't stay on them. It was too hard, and not much of a lifestyle. Whether it was a fast, a shake system or no carbs it just wasn't right for me. After a few days on each one I would give up.

So after that I just let myself go. I stopped working out and pretty much ate whatever I wanted...which was lots of sugary treats. It was unhealthy and affecting me and my family in a negative way.

Well I think this is going to have to have a part 3. I feel like I have rambled on and on. I'm pretty sure this is like a cheap therapy sesh for me.

After this sombering tale I will end with some shits and giggles:

blame this on the raisin cookies! 

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Weigh in Day & Progress Pictures

I had a pretty AMAZING day. (Yes I REALLY like to put things in ALL CAPS when I am so excited I don't know what else to do!) Anyway, stepped on the scale this morning and was down a whopping 2 LBS! This really beats my .8 loss from last week. Definitely going to keep planning my snacks and meals the day before. I also had the best run of my life today (W5D2 C25K) I just felt so amazing. When I first started running I had a side ache and I was like "oh shit" but I breathed through it and kept going. I think I broke through a serious mental block today with running (another post I am working on). But I just feel so damn good with my running I can't help but talk about it. And you know what? I run slow but I don't care I am running and I am damn proud of myself. I am looking forward to my even harder run I have tomorrow! 

"Running Slow isn't a character flaw; Quitting is" -Jacqueline Gunderson

This is what I think when I want to stop:

So now onto the most horrible posting of my existence motivating picture post! (For me at least) Here are my before and current pictures. I have lost a total of 13.4 lbs in 7 weeks. I am going slow and steady but doing it the HEALTHY way and I do not feel like I am dieting. Before you look at these know that I have a long way to go but I want to document my journey to the end.Some of you probably think I am CRAZY for doing this. Well yes I am look at the title of my blog and secondly this is my way of motivating myself by embarrassment, and yes people that fucking works.


I am seriously mortified. Ugh I still can't believe I let myself get that fat. However, I do see some improvements. My face is thinner, my middle is a little thinner and my legs are thinning out too. But still a LONG ways to go. 


Grosssss....well you can see yes my stomach is not AS bad and my face is way better. Sorry that one is closer than the other, you can blame my hubs for that! 


hit  beat  my first mini goal of losing 12.5 lbs! I have officially lost a total of 13.4 lbs. Looks like it is hair cut/color time for me :) (scheduled my appointment today)
Next mini goal: Loss of a total of 20 lbs. So 6.4 lbs from where I'm at now. Reward:  running shoes from an actual running shop where they find the perfect shoe for you! YEE HAW! :)

Ok so I'm out! I'm going to go hide away and bury my face in my pillow have a great night. Hope you all do too!

Versatile Blogger Award!

Wow so I'm feeling prettyyy PUMPED because I got nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award! :) So thank you THANK YOU to Paige at Weighting for it to Happen for nominating me you are such a sweet heart! Now go check out her blog now after you read this post ;)

Here's the rules:
1. Nominate up to 15 fellow bloggers who are relatively new to blogging
2. Let the nominated bloggers know they have been nominated
3. Share 7 random facts about yourself
4. Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to them in your post
5. Add the Versatile Blogger Award picture to your post

7 Random Facts:
1. I have scoliosis (curvature of the spine) in a lot of my pictures you can see how uneven I am but in real life its really not the bad (thats what I keep telling myself) :)
2. I got my tonsils out and had the surgeon save them for me (they are now thrown away)
3. I am a sugar ADDICT (wait I'm sure you know that already)
4. I love making my own home made popcorn
5. I LOVE shopping BY MYSELF
6. I am deathly afraid of ghosts
7. I pray that my son never has bad dreams about ghosts because I'm sure his dreams will FREAK me out when he tells me! 

Blogs I nominated:

Thanks again Paige for nominating me! You are super amazing


Monday, September 17, 2012

Calorie Counting is...

easy to cheat on...yup I said it. I use my fitness pal to log my cals in and cals out on and I love it. However, it is super easy to let the little calories get away from you and they can add up! I have not been logging my morning coffee or the creamer in my coffee there is at least 50 calories in that. I don't log the ketchup on my veggie burgers or the cheez its I steal from my son. So now I have a new plan. If I don't log it I don't eat it. Simple. as. that. But is it easy? Hell no! What is my plan of attack? I am going to plan my day the night before and log it in MFP already. IF I decide to add something in I can still add it in. Easy peasy...I hope. 

Here is my plan for tomorrow...I'm going to focus on eating smaller meals throughout the day:

Wake up between 6:30 and 7

Breakfast: 1 cup Kashi go lean, 1/2 banana and 2/3 cup light vanilla soy milk 258 cals 

Workout between 8 and 9 am C25K week 5 day 2 plus 25 minutes elliptical total 55 minutes

"Snack:" 1 premade chocolate muscle milk light + frozen half of banana blended 200 cals

Will drink my snack on my way to work and at work at 11. 
Late Lunch: (around 2) Lean Pocket 250-300 cals

2nd Snack (if needed 4:00): 100 calorie popcorn bag or granola bar 100 cals

Dinner (6:00): 1 cup brown rice, 4-6 oz chicken breast and veggies about 400 cals

Add this all up it is about 1228 calories

I REALLY hope this helps tomorrow (and every day after tomorrow)! 

I am SO not looking forward to weigh in Wednesday! :)

I will leave you with some AMAZING pictures.

 What I made for dinner tonight: Mama Laughlin's Skinny Pepperonni Roll Ups

Me after kicking Week 5 Day 1 C25K in the nuts! :) 

Sunday, September 16, 2012


Well If I had posted on Friday and yesterday they would be entitled "Fuck up Friday" and "Screwed Saturday" (and not screwed in a good way!).

Ugh Friday I don't even know what happened. I started out good, hit the gym ran my C25K plan plus worked out extra. Then I went to work. There were cookies and cake and Mcdonalds. I had one cookie and one piece of cake plus my lunch. Then my hubby was home late from work. I found myself munching on graham crackers and I don't even know why. This goes to show if you start the sugary snacks in early in the day you WILL keep craving them. So please learn from my mistakes and stay away!

Now on to yesterday. It wasn't as bad as Fuck up Friday. However I did not log my calories and I just snacked. So I'm sure I wasn't on target. I did workout though so whatev.

Now onto GOOD news! How do you like my new design??? Thanks to Holly's hubby for this beautiful blog design and he even installed it for me. :) Check out her blog you will be glad that you did!
Anywho, the goal of my blog is to document my experiences through life and weightloss. So we all have our bad days. Whats important is that I don't give up. And you know what? There is no way in hell that I'm going to. I have come too far to go back to fat land.

Laters baby!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

It's OK Thursday!

So just a random post I wanted to do...

Its Ok Thursdays

It's OK to...
Miss a workout when you have planned it (Just not ALL the time :) )

Enjoy vacuuming and steam cleaning carpets 

Take time for YOURSELF each and every day even if it is just 15 minutes

To spoil your child(ren) a little bit

To be the "mean" parent once in a while

To be the "nice" parent MOST of the time ;)

To have a cheat meal once (or twice) a week!

To try as many new "things" as you can

To just chill....(sometimes we need to do that more than we think)

Thanks guys! Will be posting some PROGRESSION pics STAT! :)

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Weigh in Wednesday

Well it's that time of the week again, and this time I'm keeping it short and sweet. Mainly because I'm really tired and my weigh in was just ehhh...I lost .8 lbs this week. Yes it is a loss I know but I don't round up it's not a whole damn pound. But on the bright side I am going in the right direction.

I was going to do some progress pictures but maybe this weekend when I post? I'm still way nervous to post them but I know you will see a big difference.

Running. Well learning to run longer distances is going GREAT. I'm obsessed I love it and I look forward to my run/walk every day. I am on Week 4 C25K and feeling good. I officially signed up for the Color Run in Boise, ID on October 27th! So stoked and I get to run it on a pretty awesome team with some pretty awesome people! So funny story, when I was signing up I asked my friend what team name to sign up under...she said Team LeVar-Burton. I was like oh ok didn't think anything of it I thought it was a work team or something. That was until she posted this...
TOTALLY get it now! (The reading rainbows guy name is LeVar Burton) :) :) 

1.) Stay on track with the running plan
2.) Drink more water
3.) Track calories better

Sorry so short and kind of blah! I'm just not in the best of moods tonight. I'm going to go enjoy some wine (gasp) and watch Army Wives. 

Friday, September 7, 2012

An "unloved" Mama

So this post is a little random, but I just had to write about my experience, and wonder if all Mom's go through this? My son is 20 months. He is starting to talk more and more every day. It is insane. He is putting together little three word sentences and I. love. it.

What I don't love? When he says he loves Daddy and not me :(
My boys and their bottles. Hunter was only a few weeks old. They've always had a close bond. 

Anyway, last night we were all playing in the living room after dinner. You know the usual laughing, wrestling and tickle fests that go on nightly in our house.
 We started relaxing and Ian asks Hunter "Hey, Hunter do you love Papa?" (Hunter calls him Papa instead of Daddy) 
Hunter responds: "Day!" in a super cheerful voice (Day means yes in Hunter language, I don't know why. What I think he got it from is that I say "K" a lot and it rhymes.)
I say: "awwwwww...Hunter, Do you love Mommy?"
Hunter responds: "No! Love Papa!" 
Ian: Laughs and says "well I guess we know who his favorite is!"
I ask him a few more times and he either ignores me or says No. My heart longed to hear him say "Day!" 
I felt so hurt. Now I know he is little, he doesn't understand and he really does love me. But I just want to HEAR it!
It isn't fair. I'm with him all the time. Taking care of him, feeding him, playing with him. We are best buds. He grew inside me for 9 months, I went through a hell of a labor due to his LARGE size. And he doesn't love me?
ughhhhhh. Why are Papa's or Daddy's so cool? Is it because I get to take Hunter to work with me and he only sees Ian in the morning and at night  and on weekends? That has got to be it. I guess I need to get a job where I can't take him....just kidding. 
Well Ian was putting him to bed after his bath last night and asked him: "Hunter do you love Mommy?"
Hunter replies: "mmmmmmmm....Day..."

Now Ian said it wasn't as excited as his but it was a yes DAY! :) My life is not over anymore! My son loves me!

I'm sure all of us Mama's feel unloved one time or another by our little (or big) children. I know I have treated my Mom poorly in the past and I feel bad about it after this. I know he does love me and this is probably a stage he is going through. 

Have any of you gone through this? (Please help a mama feel better about herself!)

I will always love my little man. (Picture taken Nov. 2011)

Thursday, September 6, 2012

I'm Losing my Marbles!

If you talked to my hubs he would say that I have already lost all my some! And I would have to agree. We all know I'm one crazy mama, but I wouldn't have it any other way... :)

Why am I writing about marbles anyway? Well I made these cute little marble jars from an idea off of Pinterest:
Every time I weight and have lost a pound or more I take a marble from the pounds to go and put one in for each pound lost into the Pounds Lost jar. It really is a fabulous feeling to do this. As of yesterday, I have 10 marbles in my pounds lost and 15 in my pounds to go jar. 25 pounds is my first major goal and then I will probably set another 15-20 lb goal after that. I have lost 10.6 total and 2.2 pounds this past week. I am feeling so damn good it's incredible! 

Honestly, I was hoping for maybe a .5 lb loss this past week because I went out of town for the 3 day weekend and slipped up a few times...uh oh :) But really when I think about it I still ate WAY less then I did 5 weeks ago so that keeps the weight loss going! Also, I started running and am currently on Week 2 of the Couch to 5k running plan!

Another thing I wanted to babble about was breakfast....I LOVE breakfast. It sets me up for the day. Now I reallllyyyyy miss chocolate chip waffles drenched in syrup. But its okay I'd rather be skinny then eat that shit. :) ANYWAY, I have been eating the same breakfast the past 5 weeks and I LOVVEEEE it:
1 cup of Kashi Go Lean cereal (13g PROTEIN), 1/2 to 3/4 banana and 2/3 cup LIGHT vanilla soy milk. AH-MA-ZING! 

I think it is really important to have protein in every meal. But I didn't want to have an egg every morning. This cereal has more protein than an egg and it is SUPER yummy. 
GOALS for this week:
-Totally failed at the water drinking AGAIN this past week. Shooting for 72 oz a day this week.
-Keep up the C25k running plan
-New lower calories per day of 1390. 
-Eat clean at dinner. 
I'll end with a picture from last summer when I was about 12 lbs lighter than I am now, and that is my cute little guy at about 8 months! :)

 Love you ho's ladies! :) (Don't worry I call all my friends ho's)