I Can't Believe I am Writing This...

About a month ago my biggest worries were of course that my kids were always happy and continuing on my weight loss journey. A few weeks ago this all changed. On December 29, 2014 I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. Words can't even describe what I'm going through. If I had to pick one it would be overwhelmed if I had to pick another it would be anxious. But those are just two of the one zillion feelings I'm going through right now. I've been balling my eyes out and getting so angry at times I've thrown things. I don't even think I've fully accepted it yet. I'm not even sure what to write, right now because I don't know anything about it except for that I have it. I don't know what stage and I'm not even sure what treatment I will go through. The "standard" treatment is chemotherapy (usually 12 rounds) and possibly radiation. Starting at the end of this week I will be getting tests to determine what stage I'm in. One of those tests will be obtaining a bone marrow sample and I am pretty freaked for that one. So if you're wondering what it is here you go:

Hodgkin's lymphoma — formerly known as Hodgkin's disease — is a cancer of the lymphatic system, which is part of your immune system. In Hodgkin's lymphoma, cells in the lymphatic system grow abnormally and may spread beyond the lymphatic system. As Hodgkin's lymphoma progresses, it compromises your body's ability to fight infection. Hodgkin's lymphoma is one of two common types of cancers of the lymphatic system. The other type, non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, is far more common. Advances in diagnosis and treatment of Hodgkin's lymphoma have helped give people with this diagnosis the chance for a full recovery. The prognosis continues to improve for people with Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Source: Mayo Clinic

  I have done more than enough research and have heard SO many stories from so many people who have gone through this or something similar. Sometimes, its hard to hear stories and sometimes it makes me feel better. I prefer to hear directly from the person who has had this because I feel some sort of "mutual understanding" with them. Like they know what I'm going through and no one else has a clue. I'm so glad I live in this "digital age" because their are facebook groups where I can meet others going through this. Sometimes reading through them scares me but most of the time I feel better seeing all these strong people.

 Most people who know anything about this type of cancer know it is one of the most common forms in young adults and one of the most curable types of cancers of the lymphatic system. I guess you could say I won the "cancer lottery" because the prognosis is fairly "good." I'm really really scared to go through treatment. I'm scared to miss out on so many moments with my boys, but I know that getting myself well is the most important thing for them. I want to show them how strong their Mommy really is. I also want to keep their life as normal as possible, but I know it will be very different for a while. I also had so many fitness goals to accomplish that are going to be much harder now but I will keep going. I know that there will be lots of days that I will be too weak to workout but on the days that I can you know I will be pushing play! I lost 30 lbs the past 6 months and I plan on continuing an even cleaner healthy lifestyle even more so now with all of this in front of me. I really wish I could fast forward to fall of this year, when I WILL be in remission!!

 The first thing I know is I am going to be the strongest I have ever been through all of this. Am I scared? Hell yeah! This is going to be the hardest year of my life, but I think it will be the most life changing. I WILL beat Cancer is my only resolution of 2015. The next thing I know is that I am so blessed to have the best support system around. My husband and my Mom will be with me through all my treatments and the rest of my extended family and in laws are available at any time! The out pour of love from my friends has been amazing, my local friends even through me a surprise "Kick Cancer's Butt Party" last night that made me feel SO good (I will share pictures in my next post!) The last and most important thing I know that through all of this I will get my strength and keep my faith through God. "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME." -Phillipians 4:13 So even though I have sadly let my blog go I will be updating through the process on here. It is almost like therapy for me to get things out through writing. I hope this will also help anyone going through a similar situation.

xoxo-Annie