Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Torn Between Two Worlds

When I was pregnant with Hunter my husband and I decided I would be a stay at home Mom. I thought it would be the easiest and most fun job ever. I thought my house would always be spotless and I would always have an amazing dinner ready for the hubs when he got home. Obviously, I was pretty oblivious. It was an accomplishment to get makeup on my face let alone do my hair. The house? I tried to focus on one "chore" a day. And dinners? Ugh I struggled with getting those on the table too. I had always dreamed and wanted to be a stay at home Mom, but it wasn't what I imagined.

I love this little man with all my heart.
Now before having a baby I worked full time and loved my job. I could be selfish with my time. Doing things I needed to do for me and the hubs. As bad as this sounds after having a baby I sometimes missed this selfishness. When you become a Mom you make so many sacrifices and yes your baby is worth it, but it's an adjustment.

Since I've had Hunter I never have worked full time. I've worked part time and the past year and a few months worked at a daycare so I could be with him. I still never felt fulfilled. I actually felt bad and felt I wasn't living up to my potential. Before I worked jobs in banking and finance. Completely different then what I was doing now. Well I recently quit the day care after getting an offer for a better opportunity. After thinking about it, it ended up not being what I wanted. But today something amazing happened. I'm a substitute teacher and a job for a reading specialist at an elementary school came open that is full time for the rest of the school year. Well, the principle called me in for an interview today and let me know 10 minutes after the interview that I got the job! Now being pregnant this works out perfectly. I'm done with this job in June (its a job that only is available through this school year), and I get to be home with my boy this summer before having baby #2 end of July. It's the best of both worlds!

But what about after baby? I do want to stay home at least 3 months and then I'm hoping another opportunity opens with the school district. It's pretty much the perfect schedule.

Making Valentine cookies!

The point of this post is I do not feel guilty by not being fulfilled by being a stay at home mom. I honestly wish I could be, and I admire stay at home Mom's. It is the HARDEST job. It's rewarding too. It's just not for me. I love my son with all my heart and he is #1 in my life. However, he is so social and keeping him home every day would not be fun for him. He LOVES going to "school." When I have baby #2 I will love him/her just as much and I can't wait to be a Mommy to two. So Mom's whatever you do don't feel guilty. I admire all of you working mom's who still make time for yourselves and being a Mom, and I admire all the stay at home Mom's just as much and everyone in-between. We all have one thing in common: we love our kids and no one is to judge how much we do just by our schedules.


  1. Awww Annie this post could NOT come at a better time for me. Each mom is unique and special and EVERY job is hard. I love to work, my kids love school, and it all just falls into place. Loved reading this today.

  2. You are so right. Every woman is different. I am a fulltime working mom but I have several friends who are stay at home moms. And everyone's experiences are different. Although I work fulltime I so wish I could be a stay at home mom. But I think that would change once my daughter got to be school age. I received a bachelor's in Business Marketing and Management. I know I'd like to use it when I don't have a little one at home all day. I hope you find a great job when you go back to work after your baby gets here! :)

  3. Being a SAHM, I know all about the trials and tribulations. And about how dang hard it is! Don't feel one bit guilty! It's def not for everyone! I've been home 2 1/2 yrs and there are still days I wonder if I should get a job and get away from this madness! :)

  4. Oh mommy guilt. I would lose my mind if I was a sahm but I still battle the guilt daily. My kids love school too and they learn sooooo much so we are very blessed for that. Congrats on the job!

  5. I worked part time after having two kids then with the third the cost of preschool/childcare was more then what I would bring in part time so I started staying home. And man, I didn't realize how hard it is so stay home, I probably check job ads atleast twice a month. But I love my kids and do enjoy watching them grow at home. Congrats on the job! I am hoping to find something in the school district when my last one starts school it is just such a great schedule!