Lets Not Talk About It...

Some days I feel like I forget that I have all of this going on. BUT I think that's a good thing. I need to keep living life as much as I can especially while my immune system isn't compromised from chemo. I've been getting so encouraged from survivors and current fighters on Instagram. They seem to live pretty normal lives even with treatments and low immune systems....which is what I want...normal. 

So true!

Anyway..today I want to write about something different. I don't want to be defined by Cancer. Yes, I will write about it a lot but its not me it's not my whole life. So lets do something different...

  Before "IT" I used to write about my fitness journey. I haven't posted for MONTHS so A LOT has been going on with that. I'm still obsessed with working out. I finished all three levels of T 25 and started and finished the first month of Insanity: Max 30. In 2014 I lost a total of 29 lbs. I feel so much more comfortable in my skin but I would still like to lose 20 to 25 more. I have to put my weight loss on hold until "IT" is over but I will still be working out and eating healthy (just more healthy foods so I don't "try" to lose weight during treatment). The nutritionist said I will recover and bounce back MUCH faster if I don't lose weight during my treatment. My body needs all the nutrition it can get. My doctor did say exercising will make me feel better but probably not something as intense as Insanity so I am going to be combining 21 day fix and PiYO for my workouts. I plan on working out on my "off weeks" of chemo (I will have it every other week). If I feel like more I will work out more than that but I won't push it.

Hobbies. What else have I been up to? Besides chasing around two very active boys I have been enjoying my Silhouette Cameo. I LOVE it. I have been making workout shirts and just fun shirts in general with heat transfer vinyl that the cameo cuts. I was actually thinking of starting a little online shop but it's going to have to wait until I'm in remission. I think I'm going to make some leggings with a fun saying down the leg later this week. Hmmm...I don't have many other hobbies unless you count working out. I did finish two 5k's at the end of the year that were tons of fun. The Santa Run my friend and I ran the whole time and we weren't even running often. It made me feel pretty awesome to accomplish that because I'm not a runner at ALL!

Here is a shirt I made today...It looks a bit glossy because I haven't heat pressed the vinyl on.

I'm sure since I won't have any hair soon that I'm going to get more and more into doing makeup. Right now I'm pretty natural most the time. I LIKE wearing makeup I just don't have much time and choose straightening and doing my hair instead. Yesterday, my friend helped me try on a bunch of fun lip stick colors. I think it will help brighten up my face! Next stop she is going to teach me eyes (Caitlin see what you're getting into?!) What are some other hobbies I could start up while going through this? Ones that don't require much energy....haha!

my normal natural look hahaha

My boys are growing TOO fast and doing great. Aren't they the cutest??? (I'm not partial at ALL).

Tomorrow (Tuesday) I have a big day. I have my PET scan at 12:45 (full body scan) and then have an appointment with my doc after. We will go over all the tests I've done the past week and the scan to see what stage I'm at. Prayers for an early stage would be much appreciated.

Lots of love, and THANK YOU for all of the support.

xoxo-Annie

How this all Started...

((Note: This post is really poorly written, its just free hand on the events leading up to my diagnosis))

A lot of people ask how I discovered this. Let me tell you, it took me a while to realize something was off with me. We'll just get right into it...

Back in early November my left arm pit starting having little "twinges" of pain. I thought I had an ingrown hair at first or it was from my workouts. The pain continued for a few weeks and their was no sign of an ingrown hair, and it was not a "work outy" type of pain. In the shower I started pressing around in that arm pit and feel something hard. At first I thought it was part of a bone but then after thinking about it there was no way a bone was right there. Then I felt the other arm pit to compare and felt nothing like that. So later that week I asked my husband to feel it and he definitely did right away. He pushed me to get a doctor appointment. I knew I was already past due on my annual appointment so I called and made that appointment for the next week. The pain and throbbing was really starting to bug me so I called back and talked to the nurse practitioner about it who scheduled me to get an ultra sound the day before so we knew what it was. 

Anyway, the next week I go into my ultra sound (this was the second WORST ultra sound of my life not fun like when you are pregnant obviously). My husband was out of town because his Mom was getting surgery so I went in on my own. I wasn't thinking it was a big deal, until the ultra sound tech was like wow I haven't seen these this big. The "these" she was referring to were my lymph nodes and  she went and got the radiologist. At that point I was crying a bit because I know when they call in the doctor its not good. He couldn't tell me anything besides saying its either an infection or lymphoma so I'm going to suggest to your doctor to have you get a biopsy. After that I just automatically assumed it was an infection. I of course researched it and most resources said that Lymhoma  lymph nodes were not painful like mine were so I still assumed an infection. 

Fast forward, had my appointment with my doc and we scheduled a biopsy for the next day. When the radiologist looked at the ultra sound again he said "she needs to get a mammogram" ugh. I was so caught off guard. So I did that, and the mammo came back completely normal so I felt better. Then they did a core needle biopsy of my group of swollen lymph nodes. He basically stuck a long needle into a few of the biggest lymph nodes and grabbed a chunk out. I was numbed up and didn't feel anything. Still sure this was just an infection going on. 

Then they told me just a few days for the results. They said Monday or Tuesday (the ones right before Christmas). I called Tuesday and she checked and informed me that they had sent the samples to a bigger lab in Salt Lake City. I was so angry that I had to wait longer. I wanted to know what was going on. But it was Christmas in a couple days so I decided to just chill out about it. The Monday after Christmas (Dec 29) I called the radiology department again and they said they would call me back. Well then 5 minutes later the receptionist at my doctor office calls and said my doctor wanted me to come in to go over the results. I was literally in shock. I knew that was bad. Luckily, a good friend of mine came right over to watch the kids and the hubs got off work early. Who would have known that, that afternoon we would find out I had Cancer.... 

If there is ANYTHING I can stress it is, if you feel something is not right or a lump or a bump ANYWHERE please get it checked out. I'm so glad I caught this and we're hoping its still an early stage. 

Lots of Love - Annie

Step 1: Just Calm Down ({Day 11})

I'm still trying to calm down about this whole situation. I feel like its so hard to make plans for anything in the future because I have no idea of when my treatments will be. But I'm just going to keep. going. Friday, January 9th was my first appointment with a hematological Oncologist. I am happy to now say he is my oncologist. He has quite the personality ((for a doctor)) and I felt very confident with him. He knows his shit too so of course that's great. 

I imagined sitting in an office on the other side of a super expensive dark espresso Oak desk, with tall shelves full of books around us, with family pictures and college degrees hanging all over. Nope, not like that at all. The Cancer Center I'm going too is quite new and really big. The first part where we met with my Oncologist was in just a pretty normal doctor office type room. We met for about an hour and I brought my note book with a page front and back full of questions. He gave me his schpheel and really wrote down and visually helped me understand what we knew so far was going on. He also explained that we still don't know much about what was going on with me since we still only have my biopsy results to go off of. He's just guessing Stage II and I really hope he's right... he did tell me that if he had to pick a type of Cancer to get that Hodgkins Lymphoma would be at the top of the list. That made me feel pretty good. Then I had some blood taken, met with a bunch of other staff and met with the scheduler to get my first appointments. They don't even let you choose they just hand you a calender with your appointments. I also got about 25 different books/pamphlets about cancer and different things. My bag was so heavy! This day was very hard for me. It was just emotionally draining and basically a harsh reality check. I never thought I would be in this position, especially SO young. I never thought that I, a healthy 28 year old woman who has changed her unhealthy habits would get Cancer. Anyway, onto the schedule...

All this week and the first part of next week I have tests:

Monday: Pulmonary Function Test-This is to make sure my heart is strong enough for the Chemo drugs. If I have a weaker heart there is a chance one of the drugs can make it weaker. If I have a normal heart he said not to worry.

Tuesday: Pulmonary Function Test and "Chemo Class"- the first part is a test to see if my lungs are strong and if I have any allergic reaction to one of the drugs in my chemotherapy regimen. Then later my hubby and I will go to a class and learn everything we need to know about chemo and ask all my questions. 

Friday: More blood work and BONE MARROW BIOPSY- the first is self explanatory. But then, they have to take a sample of my bone marrow from my hip to make sure that the Cancer cells haven't spread to my bone marrow. Heard this hurts a bit, but I'm ready.

Tuesday (20th): PET Scan  & appointment with Onc: A Pet scan is where you have to drink a radio active dye that basically goes to any part of your body where there is cancer. Its at 1:00 in the afternoon and I get the pleasure of fasting until then and very low carbs the day before....fun fun! THEN the moment I've been waiting for. I will meet with my oncologist and we will go over all the results and find out what stage I'm at. I will find out how many courses of chemo therapy I will need and what else is going to happen...we will also schedule my chemo sessions.

So basically I now know my schedule until the 20th which is nice. I'm sad because my ladies day Ski class that I'm doing with a friend is Tuesday's but beating this and getting my life put back together comes first! ALSO, I'm so happy he said he doesn't see anything wrong with me still going on our Florida Vacation in February. So pumped, but slightly nervous! If I don't feel comfortable with it I won't go. But we just have to wait and see.

I was very very anxious this past week, almost devastatingly anxious. My chest was so tight all the time and sometimes I felt like I couldn't breath. My onc prescribed me a low dose anxiety pill I can take when I feel really anxious but I will use it sparingly. I've only taken it once and it did help A LOT. I am going to live my life as normal as possible. That's all I can do. I do feel like I have no control over anything and can't make any plans because I only know my schedule a week and a half out for now.  However, I feel like I'm starting to come to terms with this a little more each day. There is nothing I can do to change my diagnosis, but there is PLENTY I can do to make my time FIGHTING this better. I am looking so so so forward to starting treatment and beating this bastard inside of me (thats what she said ha!) I know their will be side effects but those are minimal compared to the side effect of the option of no chemo!

Here are a few fun pics from Hunter's birthday party! I just can't believe how fast my boys are growing.

i'm in the pink

 

I will also list each day of my journey this is with each post. Day 1 is Dec 29, 2014 the day I was diagnosed. I saw this on another lymphoma fighters blog and I really like the idea.

ALSO, don't be mad that I haven't responded to blog comments I've had the wrong email on their! Changing it now!

Lots of love xoxo- Annie